HOW TO SHINE BRIGHT IN THE DARK

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It would be nice if all your friends, family, or colleagues would support you when you are thriving to be great.  However, not everyone has the capacity to support other people.  Sometimes you may feel very alone, as I often have felt (past and present). However, you have a responsibility to be great regardless of whether people support you or not. 

Here is what I believe.  People spend so much time wishing and dreaming about how they wish their life was or could be something other than it is. Then they see someone doing something great, i.e., following their dreams.  The person on the outside, looking in is saying, “Why not me," “why them," “why is she special”.  Then comes the hate; “they think they are all that," “she thinks she is better than me”.  They don’t know what that person is thinking or the work they put into making THEIR dream come true.  Are they willing to take the risks you may have taken?  It is a risk to put yourself out there in the spotlight because you realize you may be ridiculed, lose friends, or be judged, etc.  Do you stay stuck because you don’t think you have the right to be great or because others make you doubt your right and obligation to be great?  What stops the other person who doesn’t seem to be able to support you?  Is it because they spend so much time focusing on the other rather than focusing on themselves?  Maybe the other person has accomplished their goals and feels like, “No one supported me so why should I support you”.   Maybe you have stopped in your tracks before because of this type of discouragement.  Then you begin to loathe yourself and feel contempt for yourself, you then become the other; thus, the cycle is then continued when you impart those feelings onto someone else. 

The solution is to focus on your own dreams, set your own objectives and goals and accomplish the things you want to accomplish.  People may or may not support you. If they choose not to support you then you must push through and continue to move forward.  You owe it to yourself and others who need a mentor.  The next generation is looking for positive role models to let them know they can accomplish their goals and dreams.    

Here is what support looks like to me, “Congratulations," “I’m proud of you," acknowledgment, showing interest or faking interest.  Yes, faking is better than not acknowledging at all.  Faking is not jealousy or envy.  Let’s face it, we are not interested in all the same things but if I let you know I am for you even if I have no interest in what you are doing, you will feel the love and appreciate it all the more.  Hater-ism is when you just cannot be happy for someone else or you feel jealous about someone else’s accomplishments.  For me, hater-ism fuels me; it lets me know I am doing something right and I should continue to press on.  

Don’t worry, if what you are doing has any value at all you will have people support you.  It may come from the strangest of people who you would have thought could have cared less about anything you are doing but trust it will come.  They will be the people who will say, “Here, maybe this will help," “oh, this is awesome, what can I do to help," “great, can you show me”.  That last statement is your biggest complement.  So be willing if someone is asking to share your knowledge.  When you support others in their accomplishments it allows you to be successful with your own endeavors.  If the support doesn’t come then what do you do; you push on and push through.  If it is important to you then you have to be strong; and sometimes, stand alone. 

Others may not be able to support you in that moment you would like it—maybe it will come but don’t you wait for it.  Someone not supporting you is not a reason to stop, stall, hesitate, or give up.  When someone does not support you it is because they see the great in what you are doing and they are really hating on themselves.  They want to feel that greatness for themselves but don’t know how, too afraid to take the risk, or they think their time has passed, or any other myriad of reasons.   Your triumphs are not their failures; therefore, their failures are not your responsibility.  Anyone who succeeds where others have failed or have not yet dared to go should be motivation for the others.  If she can do this then so can I.   Everyone deserves to shine but not everyone is willing to be to emit their bright lights.  

Also, doing something just because someone else is doing it doesn’t make that your journey or your calling, which is why some may not feel they are successful because they are following or craving the wrong dream.  It is about finding your own calling and passion.  Use the talents God has given you and he will allow you to prosper.  Focus on you and not the other.  If you admire something about someone share it with them and perhaps they will share knowledge, expertise, give encouragement, all things you may need to take you closer to your own success.  The person you see as successful could serve as a guiding light to show you to your winning destination.  Don’t feel sorry for yourself if no one is patting you on your back, saying, “Job well done”; you pat the next person on the back and say, “job well done” and maybe we can start a trend of supporting one another.  If one person can be successful then so can the other.  I think Marianne Williamson says it best with her poem, "Our Deepest Fear".

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. 

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. 

It is our light, not our darkness

That most frightens us. 

We ask ourselves

Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be? 

You are a child of God. 

Your playing small 

Does not serve the world. 

There's nothing enlightened about shrinking 

So that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, 

As children do. 

We were born to make manifest 

The glory of God that is within us. 

It's not just in some of us; 

It's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, 

We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. 

As we're liberated from our own fear, 

Our presence automatically liberates others.

by Marianne Williamson 

If you feel like you are the other or maybe you are trying to shine brightly and you don't feel supported.  

For Me Talk Therapy, L

LC is here to support you. Call 267-388-4909.